Grief and the Holidays

It's time for the holiday season once again.  While the holidays represent a time of rest, respite, and joy for many, they can also be a source of sadness, anger, and anxiety for others.  When the holiday season becomes representative of loss, it  can be especially hard to navigate year to year.  It can be even more difficult to hold space for negative emotions when society at large around you is utilizing the holidays as a time of joy and celebration.  So how can you hold space for hard emotions around grief and loss during the holiday season?

First, don't suppress your emotions to avoid infringing on others.  During the holidays, it is often tempting for people to “put on a happy face.”  Unfortunately this tactic can often prolong hard emotions.  Make space for your emotions and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to, even if you're afraid of others’ responses to you.

Second, it's okay to skip out on whatever you need to.  People typically feel like they have to participate in all holiday traditions.  When undergoing grief and loss, participating in things that remind you of your loss can contribute to holiday burnout.  It's ok to say no to the big family gathering, no to cooking Grandma's favorite cookie recipe this year, or no to watching your Dad's favorite holiday movie.  Anything that feels like it may be difficult is ok to nix for however long you need.

Lastly, don't be afraid to fully enjoy what you want to enjoy during the holiday season.  When undergoing loss, sometimes survivors can feel guilty for experiencing joy even though their loved one is gone.  It's ok to continue living after loss and to do what feels good.  Allowing yourself to feel good doesn't mean you've forgotten your loss or are not attending to your grief the right way.  It simply means you're learning how to continue living even with your loss.

While the holiday season can be a time of joy for many, it can be a source of stress for others, especially those undergoing loss. When dealing with loss around the holidays it is important to recognize emotions, needs, and boundaries and to express those as feels appropriate.  Whatever way you need to show up this holiday season is valid.  Here's to a rejuvenating holiday!