Attachment 101
Attachment theory is a concept introduced by British psychologist John Bowlby in the 1960s as a method of explaining the bonds that develop within relationships. Bowlby theorized that in early childhood, children develop bonds, or attachments, with at least one primary caregiver as a means of survival as well as social and emotional development. Attachment bonds formed in childhood are a direct result of how the child experiences their relationship with their caregiver and can inform attachment in adult relationships. One's attachment style can also influence thoughts and behaviors across the lifespan. The four different attachment styles as described below are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
Secure attachment style develops when children feel consistent support from their parents, while also being afforded developmentally appropriate chances for autonomy and exploration. As adults, people with secure attachment styles are able to maintain a sense of self while also experiencing trust and security within their adult relationships. Adults with secure attachment styles feel comfortable and confident within their relationships and are able to express their needs and boundaries with relative ease. Secure attachment is considered the healthiest attachment style.
Anxious attachment develops most typically when caregivers do not allow children independent exploration and autonomy. This parenting style is often described as “helicopter parenting” and can result in the child feeling that the world is unsafe and that they need their parent to function. Anxiously attached adults are often described as “clingy” and typically present with low self worth. They often appear unable to let go of toxic relationships and have a hard time expressing needs or boundaries for fear of abandonment. People with anxious attachment styles are most susceptible to engagement in abusive relationships out of the attachment styles primarily because of this fear of abandonment.
Avoidant attachment originates most often from parent child dynamics in which the child is neglected. In these households, children are often given too much autonomy and are treated as developmentally older than they are. There is typically little parental oversight in these households. In adults, avoidant attachment presents as over-independence. These people are often fearful of engaging in deep relationships with others and are highly likely to bail at the first sign of trouble. Like anxiously attached people, avoidant adults often also have difficulty expressing their needs and boundaries and will prefer to disengage from others over being vulnerable. Adults with avoidant attachment may jump from relationship to relationship or even avoid relationships altogether.
Disorganized attachment presents as a combination of the other three attachment styles. Children with a disorganized attachment style often experienced inconsistency with their parents. Sometimes the parent was present, sometimes they weren't. Sometimes the parent was receptive to the child's needs, other times they were not. This dynamic presents most often in households where a parent has a substance use issue. Disorganized adults may present differently within relationships depending on their mood. They have a hard time even knowing what their needs are and can appear inconsistent with their communication. Because their attachment style can vary so widely, disorganized adults are often unaware that their method of approaching relationships is unhealthy.
Though attachment develops in childhood, attachment styles can be changed with therapeutic interventions. It is also important to note that attachment styles can vary from relationship to relationship. While you may have secure relationships with your partner and mother, you may have an avoidant attachment style with your father and an anxious attachment style with your best friend. Attachment styles are not set in stone. Through therapeutic intervention, you can explore the health of the various relationships in your life, develop interpersonal skill sets to improve your presence and communication in relationships, and explore and change thoughts and behaviors which influence your sense of self and presentation in relationships. If you feel that any of your relationships are unhealthy due to an attachment issue, secure attachment can be developed through intentional attention and work. Here's to getting the most out of your relationships!
